Here It Comes Again...

every month or so i go through this phase of really disliking my life.  it's that time again.  it is so frustrating, because i know it will pass, but i have to endure it all first.  my temper flares, my patience is short and i'm incredibly tired and lazy.  it is not a good feeling.

school is pretty overwhelming right now and the house is falling apart.  i spent my entire spring break doing laundry.  literally.  i did 12 loads one day.  it was pretty yucky!  hey but at least i have clothes to wash and a washer to wash them.  it could be worse.

it's finally warming up here in mn.  it was 40 degrees today.  the snow is melting and everthing is muddy and wet.  i am looking forward to planting some trees and perennials this spring.

this weekend i am going to a 36 hour crop at our local scrapbook store, Scrapper's Haven, which is also where i work.  i am so excited, i have a lot i want to get done!!!

are you serious?

really?  is this what my life is supposed to be?  i am so exhausted!  i literally have thrown the same bottle away three times today!  and this is what every day is like.  i know that motherhood is hard and most of it is completely unflattering and thankless, but seriously?

i have spent my entire morning cleaning and trying to locate some horizontal surfaces.  it's days like this i want to just throw everything away and sit in an empty room.  too much stuff, not nearly enough room, time or patience.  

maybe i should try this tactic

i have surrendered the fantasy of a perfectly clean house.  it's not happening and i'm ok with that, but this is unacceptable.  and i absolutley cannot keep up with it.  am i the only one who notices or just the only one who cares?  

i've been reading alot of blogs from other mothers.  lds and non.  and i feel like i am failing.  am i honestly supposed to want this for eternity?  and i feel horrible for saying it and thinking it.  but i'm being honest.  all of this "stuff" just doesn't come easily and naturally to me.  does that make me a bad mother?

a dear friend of mine says that all of these unpleasantries of motherhood, ie. dishes, laundry, poop, barf, soggy bread, boogers, black eyes, etc. etc. is all about teaching us humility.  ok.  let's think about that....

humility.

i don't get it.  and if i am supposed to be learning humility, what are all the men supposed to be learning?  i am really struggling.

i am trying my best to be the best wife and mother that i can be, but that doesn't mean i like it or that i'm good at it.  and if this is my sole purpose in life...i want to cry!

seriously